speaking
Fear of Public Speaking: Who Are You Afraid Of?
You Are Who You Tell People You Are
Whenever I am invited into a corporation, business or organization to conduct a seminar on public speaking I ask the attendees what exactly is it that makes them feel uncomfortable, nervous or fearful when it comes to giving a speech. The answer I get most often is a simple one — “I’m afraid of being in front of an audience.”
Next I ask, “Who is your audience?” The response is usually, “My co-workers.” At this point everyone begins looking at each other with sheepish grins because they’re all admitting that they’re afraid of each other! I then come back with, “Oh! You’re afraid of these people. The same people you work with, exchange gossip with, socialize with and eat lunch with. Your extended family?”
Most of us spend more time with our co-workers than we do with members of our own families. We will confide in our co-workers about an affair, financial difficulties, a child failing in school, in-law problems and maybe even problems in the bedroom.
Yet, when we are asked to make a presentation to these same people about a subject we know better than anyone else, we panic!
You can look at your audience through two sets of eyes. Through one set you will see vampires, the neighbor’s pit bull, your mother-in-law and the Big Bad Wolf. Through the other set you will see friends, people who want to see you succeed and people who are impressed with your knowledge and your ability to present it.
Which of your two audiences you focus on will determine the success of your speech. Remember, your audience has no power over you except the power you give to them.
One way you can lessen your fear and take control of your emotions is to realize there are two other audiences out there. There is the audience you think is there and the audience that’s really there. Perceptions are powerful. The adage “perception is reality” is so true. If you believe something to be true, then it’s true at least in your own mind.
Here are some of your perceptions about the audience that you think is out there.
- They’re staring at me.
- They only came to see me fail.
- They’re going to criticize how I’m dressed.
- They think I have a terrible voice.
- They think I don’t know my stuff.
- They’re just waiting for me to embarrass myself.
Now let’s meet the real audience that’s out there. If truth be told, every person in that audience is relieved that you’re up there at the lectern and not them! They are more than happy to be sitting at the table-of-eight with a cup of coffee and a piece of pastry and not a care in the world as they wait for you to give your presentation.
Your perception of your audience will change and your fear will diminish if you convince yourself of what they’re actually thinking.
- How does he have the guts to get up there and do that?
- Where did he learn to give a speech like that?
- I don’t know half that stuff.
- Damn, I’m jealous. I could never do that.
Again, the only power your audience has over you is the power that you give them. If you view them as hostile, you’ve given them power over you that they’re not even aware of. The only place the power exists is in your mind.
You Are Who You Tell People You Are
Dress the part on the day you’ll be giving your speech. That will be the first indication to your audience that you are confident and you mean business. Smile and mingle. Again, your audience sees you as confident. Deliver your speech with the attitude that no one else in that entire room can hold a candle to what you know about the subject.
Whenever I do a speech or emcee an event I use a psychological ploy that I would never admit to publicly (but since we’re friends and I know you won’t tell, here goes.)
In my mind as I look out at the audience from the lectern I mentally say to myself (and to them) , “I am God! There’s a reason that I’m up here and you’re not. I know things that you need to know. Your job is to sit back, shut up and listen.”
Yes, I know it sounds boastful. But it works!
I first saw the power of ‘perception is reality’ when I was ten years old. My school teacher father picked me up after school one day and we had to make a stop at the grocery store. Dad was dressed in his suit and tie and he looked like a corporate executive. Once inside the store we both realized we needed to visit the restroom. Back in those days grocery stores did not have public restrooms — there was only a restroom for employees and it was somewhere ‘in the back’.
Dad approached a young store stock boy and said, “Which way to the restroom?” to which the boy replied, “Right through those double doors, sir.” Those double doors were those swinging double doors leading in and out of the back room where the store’s stock of goods was warehoused.
We pushed through those double doors and found ourselves walking past other stock boys who were loading up carts with goods to be put on store shelves. As Dad walked confidently and purposefully past each employee they nodded their heads with a respectful, “Hello, sir.”
These kids truly believed my Dad owned the place and they treated him that way because that’s how he presented himself. Little did they know he was just a school teacher with six kids barely making enough to get by.
Perception is reality!
You are who you tell people you are. On the day of your speech exude confidence and poise. Give the impression that you are excited to be giving the speech. At the lectern, act like you’re in charge.
If perception really is reality then you are confident, poised, excited and in charge. That’s the way your audience perceives you because Perception is Reality.
